As a parent of an ASD child, I go through a myriad of emotions. Sometimes I feel confident and strong, ready to face anything that comes my way and sometimes I just get so worried and I break down.
This morning was one of those not-so-good instances... I got so worried, paranoid and I was feeling really, really down. I've read that 4 in 10 autistic children don't ever talk and that statistic just got to me. I was so worried at the fact that Rayyan would be one of the 4. I have accepted the fact that he is ASD, I have accepted his different traits but if 6 out of 10 autistic children can talk, I really, really wish that Rayyan would be one of them. It would make life so much easier for him. He is going through so much as it is so I really hope that God would just lighten his burden.
Btw, my VP approached me this morning and asked if everything is alright at home. Maybe I was looking really down which was why she approached me in the first place. I said, yes, everything is fine but inside I was just screaming, Noooo!! Things are not fine!!
I made my way to my workstation and really felt like crying but told myself to be strong, I have invigilation in 15 mins! I told myself that maybe I will have a good cry later at night, on the comfort of my bed, with a big box of tissue next to me... Yes, I would feel so much better then.. So what I am trying to say is that it is alright to feel sad and worried, we are entitled to feel that way. It is more worrying if we try to be strong all the time!
At the end of the day, I know that after a good cry, I would pick up where I left off and continue the journey with my boy....