Thursday, September 29, 2011

Ice Cream

We were at Pizza Hut two days back and Rayyan was enjoying his meal... fries, pizza, spaghetti and ice cream for dessert... Rayyan was in paradise! lol

When the ice cream came, he immediately took the spoon and started scooping. The ice cream has not melted and was quite slippery so Rayyan had difficulty scooping the ice cream.

Me : What do you want?
(was thinking that he would say, I want ice cream)

Rayyan : Help me open ice cream!

I was wondering why he said that when I realised that he wants us to help him scoop the ice cream! lol lol

Monday, September 26, 2011

Make or Break

If you compare my recent posts to my older ones, you will realise that the recent ones are more positive... I focus a lot on Rayyan's strengths, his achievements, big or small. That is me actually trying to look on the brighter side of things, trying not to worry too much and always looking for the positivity in everything. I think I will go insane if I worry everyday, cry everyday... in fact, it has been a really long time since I cried at night, thinking of my son's condition. I have promised myself not to wallow in self-pity but try my best to help him. Yes, I am much stronger now... 

But having said that, it really doesn't mean that I don't worry for him. I worry for him constantly, especially when he displays traits that sets him apart from other NT kids, that make him very 'autistic'.

One of the things that worry me the most is his incessant jumping and flapping... Rayyan is so full of energy it amazes me. Where does all that energy come from? We were told that he needs a lot of hard work to calm him down. Hubby brings him to the playground everyday, makes him do wheelbarrow and gets him to climb stairs all the way to our 11th storey flat. But you know what, after climbing the long flight of stairs, Hubby was totally exhausted and Rayyan not one bit so!

Just the other day, we were at my friend's house for Hari Raya visiting. There were other guests in the house, people we don't know. And there was Rayyan jumping away in front of the television, in the middle of the living room. My friend knows of Rayyan's condition so I wouldn't worry so much if there were no other guests but these people don't know Rayyan and were looking at him in a funny way. To make things worse, he then played with the curtains (or rather, was obsessed with the curtains), get in between the guests and jumped again!

I was totally aghast and since I was having a conversation with my friend, I told my Hubby to handle him but Hubby just ignored my request, continued to just look at him and when I repeated my request, Hubby said that he was tired! Finally, I cut short my conversation with my friend, brought Rayyan to a room where there were toys to distract him and tried to calm him down, away from the guests. Needless to say, I was totally disappointed with Hubby and had a huge argument with him after that. I can understand if he's tired but in this instance, I think that he should pluck up the strength to do something, to think of ways to stop our boy from jumping around people we don't know!! Do you want the whole world to think that your boy is a weirdo??

I am not shy to talk about this as I know that these are the issues that parents of a special needs child face. I know that having a special needs child can either break or make a marriage stronger. It is definitely not easy. Hubby and I, we don't quarrel about 'small' stuffs anymore, we just don't have the time nor energy to do so. If we do argue, it is more often than not, about Rayyan. 

I pray to God to keep our marriage going strong, that whatever we do, we put Rayyan first, his happiness first. I must keep in mind that it is not easy for Hubby to handle Rayyan 24/7, that he does have his off days. I pray for strength, patience and resilience to go through this, not just for myself, but for all of us...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Aidilfitri 2011

While most kids are excited about Hari Raya, I think it is a stressful time for Rayyan because Hari Raya means visiting houses and relatives that he's not familiar with, wearing Hari Raya clothes that can get pretty uncomfortable when the weather is hot and having to share his toys when guests come over!

Actually, he is alright with sharing his toys... the more stressful part is visiting people he's not familiar with and when he feels stressed, we are anxious too!! We have to console him and make sure he behaves... we can't let him jump around other people's houses right?

But we try our best to get him used to the whole Hari Raya idea. We try to get him to wear the Hari Raya clothes... found out that the best way is for Daddy to wear first and then encourage him to wear... We keep him occupied at relatives' houses with toys and we do limit the number of houses that we go to each day to ensure that he is not over-stressed.

We really hope that as the years go by, he will have a deeper understanding of Hari Raya and that Hari Raya will be more meaningful and special not just for him but for us too :)

Special memories of Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2011....

Getting him to kiss our hands first thing in the morning.. 
He may not be able to ask for forgiveness yet but the moment was still special for us :)

Fatherly love ;)

Our family portrait even though I couldn't get the perfect shot! lol

Rayyan with his cousins ;)

The beautiful smile we love so much :D

With my beloved mum.. 
Both grandma and grandson were not looking at the camera!

One big, happy family :))))