I have been pretty down lately, down and worried... even though Rayyan is learning more words, he still has difficulty initiating a conversation. Without his PECS, he has difficulty even requesting. The thing is, we know that he really wants to try, we know that he really wants to communicate with us and tell us what he wants. It is just very, very difficult for him to do so. Urghhh.. Why are you so malicious and cruel, Autism?
I try to understand but sometimes, I have difficulty understanding the difficulties that he is facing. Sometimes I fail to understand and feel that he is just lazy, or that he just doesn't want to try... And sometimes when I am frustrated, I will start raising my voice at Rayyan (and yes, even Hubby is not spared of my wrath)... and then I will feel all guilty afterwards. Oh God, please give me the strength to face the challenges ahead, please give me the strength to help my boy...
And you my dear boy, please forgive Mummy if Mummy is too hard on you. Mummy just wants to help you. And to my dear Hubby, please forgive me if I am hard on you too. I know I have very high expectations and it's hard for you to keep up. I know you are trying your best. We need each other, you and I, we are in this for a lifetime...
On a brighter note, we have our good times... Like few days back, at Swensen's... We were waiting for our ice-cream and Rayyan was getting rather impatient. He really wants the ice-cream and couldn't sit still. He wants the ice-cream FAST! So, while waiting, I asked him a couple of questions..
Me : You want rice?
Rayyan : NO!
Me : You want water?
Rayyan : NO!
Me : You want to go toilet?
Rayyan : NO!
And then, he raised his voice and said...
ICE-CREAM! YES!
Me and Hubby had a really good laugh!
And this morning, after he woke up, he took his ELMO's ABC book and we read together. I asked him many questions. Rayyan was looking at me, finding the alphabets, responding to my questions, dancing and doing actions. We enjoyed ourselves and I really cherish this moment. Thank you, God. Please bless us with more moments like this :)
