This morning I went to a prestigious all boys school to register for my nephew who is holidaying in NZ at this moment. He will be starting his secondary education soon and we are all so proud of him for getting into the school. While I waited for my turn, I looked around me and noticed the boys immaculately dressed in their uniforms. They looked smart, handling the registration and ushering parents and students around.
Will my boy ever has a chance to do this? Will he gain admission into a mainstream school or gain independence? Will he have lots of friends? Will he gain employment? Will he find love? I know I am looking too far ahead into his future but I can't help it. I feel an immense pain in my heart every time I think of this. I am so afraid that he will miss out on all these...
I recalled yesterday's events.... I felt so suffocated yesterday... After the frustrating speech therapy session in the morning, Rayyan had his ABA session in the afternoon. He cried for the whole of the first 30 mins. I am pretty much used to his crying and have somehow toughened up but yesterday, I was worried and frustrated that after two months, he is still crying every time his therapist comes.
Then it was dinner time and he began to throw a tantrum, refusing to sit in his high chair to have his dinner. He insisted on sitting in front of the television and watch his favourite show. I didn't want to accede to his request and he didn't want to accede to mine. It was like a game of tug of war. He was hungry but adamant to have his ways. He would creep up quietly to the dinner table and tried to scoop the food. I quickly put the food away and he started to cry. I tried to force him into the high chair and he started kicking his legs and flailing his arms. Then I brought him down again and refused to give him his food unless he behave and sit quietly in his high chair. This happened several times and finally, after close to 45 mins, he relented and ate his dinner quietly in his high chair.
By that time, I felt really suffocated and just needed to get out. When Hubby came back, I told him to take care of him and got out of the house. Went to a shopping centre nearby and that helped to calm me down a bit...
But while I was walking back, I started to cry. It just seems so hard at times. I am still grappling with everything that is happening in our lives. Right now, life just seems so unfair and cruel. Why must this happen to my son? Why? What has he done wrong? Why is fate so cruel to him?
My questions were never answered and I know they will never be.....
Will my boy ever has a chance to do this? Will he gain admission into a mainstream school or gain independence? Will he have lots of friends? Will he gain employment? Will he find love? I know I am looking too far ahead into his future but I can't help it. I feel an immense pain in my heart every time I think of this. I am so afraid that he will miss out on all these...
I recalled yesterday's events.... I felt so suffocated yesterday... After the frustrating speech therapy session in the morning, Rayyan had his ABA session in the afternoon. He cried for the whole of the first 30 mins. I am pretty much used to his crying and have somehow toughened up but yesterday, I was worried and frustrated that after two months, he is still crying every time his therapist comes.
Then it was dinner time and he began to throw a tantrum, refusing to sit in his high chair to have his dinner. He insisted on sitting in front of the television and watch his favourite show. I didn't want to accede to his request and he didn't want to accede to mine. It was like a game of tug of war. He was hungry but adamant to have his ways. He would creep up quietly to the dinner table and tried to scoop the food. I quickly put the food away and he started to cry. I tried to force him into the high chair and he started kicking his legs and flailing his arms. Then I brought him down again and refused to give him his food unless he behave and sit quietly in his high chair. This happened several times and finally, after close to 45 mins, he relented and ate his dinner quietly in his high chair.
By that time, I felt really suffocated and just needed to get out. When Hubby came back, I told him to take care of him and got out of the house. Went to a shopping centre nearby and that helped to calm me down a bit...
But while I was walking back, I started to cry. It just seems so hard at times. I am still grappling with everything that is happening in our lives. Right now, life just seems so unfair and cruel. Why must this happen to my son? Why? What has he done wrong? Why is fate so cruel to him?
My questions were never answered and I know they will never be.....
