My name is Khan

'My name is Khan' is a truly moving movie... My eyes were all swollen by the time I left the cinema... It is about a man with Asperger's Syndrome who managed to overcome the challenges in life because of one simple reason... the purity of his heart.

As I watched the movie, the autistic traits seem all too familiar.. difficulty in maintaining eye contact, oversensitivity to sounds, indifference to jokes and criticisms, looking at things at face value, etc... It just sets me thinking about how an ASD adult would be like.... And it somehow seems pretty terrifying thinking of my own Rayyan as an adult...

But that aside, an important takeaway from the movie is simply how a mother's love and values can make all the difference in a child's life... I wish I can be just like Khan's Ammi.. her unconditional love moved me to tears.. She accepted her son for who he is, tried her best to help her son, loved him with all her heart and most important of all, taught him values that guided him in life..

Those values are the things that kept him going... those values steered him to the right path.. those values helped him overcome all the barriers and challenges that he faced.. Even after his mum is gone, he still holds on strongly to those values.

I want to do that for my son.. I want to teach him life skills and skills that will feed his heart and soul, skills not taught in any school...

Please guide me God..

BFF

Hubby is not just a Daddy to Rayyan but Hubby is Rayyan's best friend too! They have such a special bond that I must admit that I am jealous at times..

I would like to dedicate this post especially to my Hubby... Thank you for taking care of Rayyan at night so that I can get a good night's sleep... Thank you for accepting Rayyan for who he is and trying your best to help him too... Thank you for loving our boy more than anything else.. Thank you for supporting and comforting me whenever I need a shoulder to lean on... Thank you for being my pillar of strength...

I couldn't go through this journey without you.. And yes, the journey continues.. but with you by my side, I am sure everything will be alright.... I love you..

Sick

We were really looking forward to this CNY hols but unfortunately, Rayyan fell sick. Rayyan seldom fall sick but if he does, it will be pretty bad. Even though we gave him cough medicine, he was coughing non-stop yesterday and had difficulty breathing. His chest was heaving up and down and we were so worried that we brought him to East Shore Hospital. We thought that he needed to be on the nebulizer but luckily, the doc said that wasn't necessary and prescribed medicines instead, loads of it! Why do the doctors give so many medicines nowadays?

Anyway, even though our dear boy is sick, he is still as active as ever! And one thing I hate about runny nose is that, our dear boy would 'swipe' his nose at almost anything just to clear it!! I found this out few days ago when I noticed him 'swiping' his nose at a door just to clear the mucus above his upper lip! The next day, I saw him doing it on my tv console! I almost freaked out! Taught him how to use a tissue to clear the mucus and he would do it if we pass him a tissue. If not, he would still swipe his nose using his hands (which is not too bad actually) or a wall or any furniture!!! How to stop him from doing this????

Animals

Like I mentioned in my earlier post, Rayyan is able to recognise quite a sizable number of words, especially words in the 'animals' category. When we found this out, I remember telling his then childcare supervisor that he recognises words. The supervisor told me that he might recognise words but he might not know how to associate the words with the objects, for example, he might know the word 'elephant' but might know how to associate the animal when he sees it to the word.

She told us that pictures are not good enough and we should find out if he can match the real animals to the words. So Hubby and I actually brought him to the zoo, armed with the flashcards. When we see an animal, we would point to the animal and showed him three or four words. We would then ask him to pick out the cards. He got all of them right! So, we knew that he was not only able to recognise words, but he also knew what they meant.

We then began to look into other areas, for example, we would sometimes give him the animal sounds and showed him pictures or words and got him to pick out the correct pictures or words associated to the sounds. It is such a pleasure to teach him words because he is such a fast learner! This is definitely one of his strengths :]

'Off' Moments

Rayyan does have his 'off' moments whenever I have my one-to-one sessions with him. The good thing is that it usually happens near to the end of the sessions when he gets tired or bored. Sometimes, he will start stimming (flaps his arms) or he will ignore me when I try to get his attention and refuses to look at me. Sometimes he will start scratching his head or rubs his eyes. And when he's like that, it is difficult to ask him to do anything because more often than not, he is not listening to my instructions and refuses to accede to whatever I ask him to do.

I will then try my best to get his attention and will not give instructions until he looks at me because as long as he's not looking, the chances of him following instructions are only about 10%. Rayyan's eye contact has improved but still poor though. One of the tactics that I have learnt to get him to look at me before I give him any instructions is by placing an item next to my eye. I will always place the items that I want him to match or complete by placing the items next to my eye. And he will usually look at me when I do that. My aim is definitely for him to look at me without doing that but for now, I still have to use this tactic.

So in the video below, you will notice him diverting his attention away from the task in front of him and doing the things I mentioned above. But on a positive note, you will also notice that well, he recognises words!! When I found out that he recognises alphabets when he was about 2 years 6 months, we tried assessing if he recognises words a few weeks later by showing him words and asking him to identify them. First we showed him two cards, pronounced the words and got him to pick out the correct card. We were so happy when he managed to pick out the correct one!! At first we thought that he was just guessing but after many tries and he got all the words correct, well, it couldn't be guessing right?! Btw, most of the words that we initially gave him were 'animals words' because he loves animals and loves to flip the animal flashcards.

Then instead of showing him two cards, we showed three or four cards and he was able to pick out the correct words too. We then moved on to other words and we were really ecstatic when we realised he recognised quite a sizable number of words. Even his 4-year old nephew couldn't beat him! Everyone in the family was amazed when we showed them what he could do. We wouldn't say at this point of time that he can read but he definitely recognises words =D

Birthday Wish

Just celebrated my birthday on Sunday... I am thankful that I am surrounded by supportive, wonderful people.. I feel truly blessed... As I received the bountiful wishes and presents, there is only one wish that I have, only one that is in my heart every time I want to blow a candle, only one that will make me truly, truly happy... and that is... to hear Rayyan talk... that will be my greatest present ever.... I truly hope God will grant me that wish...

And I am not giving up hope... Like his therapists said, he is keeping it all in... everything is inside and he is just not ready to vocalize them yet.. I hope one day, he will overcome whatever barrier that is stopping him from talking... Mummy is behind you my boy..

Also, I received a piece of wonderful news yesterday, Rayyan will be starting AAS in March!! Thank God! I thought that he wouldn't get a place till end of the year or June at the earliest but I am truly glad there is a place for him soon. I hope AAS will be really beneficial for him and that he will make progress there..

Anyway, on a lighter note, we celebrated my birthday at the newly-opened Hard Rock Hotel, Resorts World. Let me tell you, Rayyan loves hotels! He loves to jump on the huge, king-sized beds, he loves to feel the carpeted floors under his feet but most of all, he loves the pools! Thankfully, he is not the sort who likes to stick to routines and familiar places. He loves to venture new places, especially big, exciting ones...

My life is fulfilling because of you and you make Mummy's day so special my dear boy... Only God knows how much I love you!

Gallop!

Been a while since I updated this blog... Wish I can blog more often but there're just too much work.. I don't even have time for my dear boy!! I sometimes wish I can resign or take long term leave but that prospect seems pretty impossible at this point of time... Sigh..

Anyway, with what little time we have, I try my best to use it to the fullest... And one thing for sure, I always try to read a story book with him just before he goes to sleep. And his fav story book for now is entitled 'Gallop'.. He simply loves reading this book... Or rather, he loves it when I read it to him :)

Little Success = Big Joy

While it is pretty easy to teach Rayyan numbers and alphabets, teaching him self-help skills require lots of PATIENCE and I must admit that we don't have that at times, preferring to help him and do it for him. Then we will remind ourselves to give him time, be patient and let him do it on his own. Teaching him one simple skill may take weeks and even months.

But once he succeeds, it gives us so much joy and satisfaction. It teaches us to appreciate the little things in life.

For example, we have been teaching Rayyan to take off his own shoes. Removing the strap is easy for him but to lift his legs and remove his shoes, take some time for him to master. So we have to take his hand and guide him again and again.

And finally yesterday, he did it all by himself!!! Yay!!!! Just by taking off your shoes on your own, you have made Mummy and Daddy so happy and proud!! =D

Let's Learn & Play!!

I finally managed to resume my lesson/therapy sessions with Rayyan yesterday. Work is still piling up and my house is in a total mess (I have been 'maidless' for weeks). But I told myself yesterday that no matter how busy I am, I must put aside time to conduct my sessions with him. This is totally crucial. I don't want him to regress and lose all the skills that he has acquired.

Anyway, he had his 'off' moments as usual during the session but managed to follow through most of the tasks. And as usual, he loves to do counting and matching. He is really good at that. Even his therapist said that when it comes to learning, he has no problems at all. But he needs lots of coaching and encouragement when it comes to play skills and self-help skills.

We also need to work on his 'joint attention'. Through his therapist and the course that I attended at Pathlight School, I learnt that 'joint attention' refers to him being connected to the people around him. That means he pays attention to what others are saying, he looks at others to check on how to react to certain things and learn how to behave by copying others. In other words, it will be a collective experience between him and the people around him, where everybody enjoys the same thing. If he doesn't have 'joint attention', he doesn't know what is going on around him, he is disconnected with his surroundings, he doesn't pay attention to what's important and this will affect his learning and relationship with others. People with autism usually lack this skill and Rayyan is not excluded. We really have to work on this by getting him engaged as much as we can.

Anyway, here is a video of him doing counting. Actually, I only had to teach him once and he got the idea on how to go about doing this counting game. This was taken about two weeks ago. My sessions are usually an infusion of ABA and FUN! I am still learning on how to make my sessions more effective by studying and applying various techniques but I will usually sing and do different actions because Rayyan likes that. I don't want my sessions to be too rigid and put him off! I want to encourage him to love learning.

About SIMILARITIES & DIFFERENCES..

I am actually at my laptop now finishing some school stuffs but decided to take a break by surfing around a bit. Just went to the ARC website to check out the available courses for parents/caregivers. There are a few interesting and useful courses that I want to sign up for...

I think the centre is doing a good job offering these courses to parents/caregivers so that people like myself can expand our knowledge on autism and try different ways to help our kids. I was at Pathlight School for the first time last week to attend a course. Fell in love with the school the moment I stepped on the school premises. I have volunteered at APSN (Association for Persons with Special Needs) before and I have always noticed that the special needs schools in Singapore are usually placed at old school premises. Sadly, these schools also lack proper equipment, resources and manpower.

Which was why I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Pathlight School. It was pretty big with state-of-the-art facilities. Love the canteen. It looked like Starbucks with a pond at one side and there's even a DJ console at the other side!!! Cool! I have always hoped that Rayyan will go to a mainstream school but if for some reasons he can't, well, I don't mind if he studies in this kind of environment.

Anyway, I was there to attend a course entitled 'Fundamentals of Autism'. Although I already knew most of the stuffs presented, I learnt some new stuffs and it was good that many real-life examples were given during the course. An important takeaway from the course is that having autism is NOT BAD, NOT CRAZY, NOT CONTAGIOUS. Autistic people are NOT DUMB. They are just DIFFERENT. But they are also SIMILAR to us in many ways. They have feelings too and want to be accepted in society for who they are. Indeed, the course has taught me to understand my boy better and accept him for what he is. Autistic people think differently, behave differently. That is just who they are.

Another interesting fact that I found out was that..... among normal people, 1% are geniuses but among autistic people, 10% are geniuses! That is not entirely strange considering the fact that they are so intent and focused whenever they do something. Well, it was heart-warming to see autistic people being placed in a positive light. It was heart-warming to see that they are indeed a talented bunch of people. It was heart-warming to see that they can learn to be independent and lead meaningful lives.

I have never asked for an autistic child. I did ask for a healthy, normal child when I was pregnant though. But that is life. It is unpredictable. It is full of surprises. God has bestowed upon me a special child. And I love this child with all my heart :)